This has been a very strange morning.
Last night on Judging Amy, a kid Googles himself and finds out his mom kidnapped him as a child. Just out of curiosity, I decided to Google myself. I didn’t find any juicy details about me, but I did find out an 8-year-old girl with my same full name was murdered earlier this year. That was a bit eerie.
Thinking about murder made me think about KM. She and her sister, SM, went to my high school. Her sister was in my class, and KM was two years above us. Their mom was a teacher at our school. KM was the head cheerleader. My sophomore year, she dated the quarterback. Since I was a trainer, I knew him, and we were in Spanish together. I would help them write love notes to each other. We weren’t best friends or anything, but I knew her. I knew her sister better since we were in practically every class together and for a while, we dated brothers. We used to joke that we were sister in laws. Over Christmas of my junior year, KM was killed in a drive by shooting. She was buried on Christmas Eve. The guys who did it were here from Mexico illegally, and went running for the border. KM’s mom was frustrated because their gang was hiding them, helping them get to Mexico. Immigration was a big story at the time, and she wrote into the local paper, basically saying that we had to have tougher border laws. Since my high school was 80% Hispanic, including many illegals, this caused an uproar. They basically chased her out of the school. Things were tough for SM, but she stayed through graduation.
In an effort to show they cared, our HS had us all write letters, petitioning America’s Most Wanted to show KM’s story. And, they actually did. Unfortunately, it hasn’t done any good. According to the article I read, they still haven’t caught the guys.
Further Googling revealed they never caught the guy who shot down the 5-year-old boy 2 doors down from me either. The little boy was caught in the crossfire of a gang fight during a party.
I need to quit reading things that will make me cry at work.
I ran into this woman on Saturday that I’ve known since I was 19. She told me, “It’s been neat watching you grow up, get more comfortable in your skin. You are much more confident now than you used to be, and that is good to see. You’ve come a long way, and you should be proud of yourself.”
Sometimes I get down on myself because I don’t have a degree, because I’m not where I want to be in my career, because I don’t have my dream house, for so many things…I just look at where I am and know that it is not where I want to be. Funny how looking back on what I came from makes me appreciate where I am in this moment. And so today I realize that while I’m not done moving forward, at least I am making progress.
Alliance of Free Blogs - I found You Know You Wanna while searching for kitty porn. No, that's not a typo.
“Sometimes I get down on myself because I don’t have a degree, because I’m not where I want to be in my career, because I don’t have my dream house, for so many things…I just look at where I am and know that it is not where I want to be. Funny how looking back on what I came from makes me appreciate where I am in this moment. And so today I realize that while I’m not done moving forward, at least I am making progress.”
It’s possible to be content without being complacent. You know you’re not where you want to be, but for now… it’s enough. You can be happy even knowing that you haven’t achieved your goals yet. Because during the course of achieving those goals, new ones will pop up. Once you’ve done all it is you want to do… well, hopefully you’ll die soon after because life would kind of suck after that.
Anyway. That was supposed to be an upper but it’s starting to sound… Less So, so I’ll just end with a *hug* and reiterate that you’re one of the most charming, unique individuals I’ve come into contact with.
And I notice most of MY friends are creeping over to your “friends of” page, so I guess my opinion must be shared by them to some extent. Heh.
Comment by kemidra — October 27, 2004 @ 8:45 am
I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t really get comments on this entry. I guess it was a little too morbid.
I’m not sure if I can thank you enough for reading the things I write and commenting on them. You have this amazing ability to say the thing I really need to hear. Thank You.
Comment by jaxia — October 29, 2004 @ 6:11 am
Awww
Thanks, that’s gonna put a smile on my face for the rest of the day.
Comment by kemidra — October 29, 2004 @ 8:35 am
I very much enjoyed reading your story. Although it’s heart wrenching it is nonetheless enthralling. I watch Oprah like every day and Lifetime Movie Network and have seen so many stories of injustices. And, maybe I’m naive, but each one amazes me and makes me wonder how it could be possible. How can things be so unfair? On the flip side, it is really awesome and inspiring that your high school was able to achieve that and that your efforts were rewarded.
About you, I have to concur with the comment above. It’s tough actually becoming what we wanted to be when we grew up because for most of us that ideal changes a lot. And it’s supposed to, makes life interesting.
Imagine what it felt like getting a letter from yourself at 17 sent to you when you were 22. Yeah, my high school government teacher thought that would be a neat lesson. Needless to say that 17 year old got a wrong number because I was not the person I expected to be in that letter. But I am exactly who I’m supposed to be.
Comment by jenduf — November 4, 2004 @ 4:14 am