YKYW - Nursing Student Blog

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?*

*Potential. What does it mean? Who am I really if I look behind the curtain of my fear?

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.*

When the time comes for action and I make my stand, what will I reveal about myself? Will I have the courage to face all that I am and the strength to see it through?

I want first of all to be at peace with myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact - to borrow from the language of the saints - to live “in grace” as much of the time as possible…By grace I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony.***

Possible. Imaginable. Plausible.

I’ve discovered a lot about myself recently. I’m amazed, honestly, and surprised at what I can do when I quit making excuses for myself and just say, “Ok. I’ll do it.”

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?**

I’ve struggled – with my pride, with my pain. And in the helpless quiet of the night, I’ve felt myself collapse and surrender. Sometimes in the shadows of my soul, my ego denies this yielding and I must face the challenge again.

I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.***

Personal growth is demanding enough on its own. However, if I must face other demons, it is almost impossible for me to make real progress. But now I’ve found a place in my life where being exposed isn’t such a fear-inspiring prospect and the other demons have been reduced to nagging little gremlins. I am ready to face the woman in the mirror.

Here I go. Wish me luck!

* Marianne Williamson
** Oriah Mountain Dreamer
*** Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This officially goes on record as my best Christmas ever.

Hope your holidays were equally wonderful!

Anybody ever bought something off of eBay and when they got it, it wasn’t what the seller said it was?

How should I handle it?

It snowed yesterday. Yes, REAL snow. The roads were horrible, so SK and I stayed home and spent the day together. My body naturally kept trying to go into winter hibernation mode, but SK reminded me there were better reasons to be awake!

It is 18 degrees outside right now, with a wind-chill of 6 degrees! What is this crap? My windshield had inches of snow and ice on it.

I’m doing Christmas tomorrow with SK, and then I am heading to Houston to spend a few days with my family. At 3 years old and 2 years old, my nephews are getting old enough to really understand Christmas so this year is going to be a lot of fun! My sister closed on her house, and so my dad got the boys a puppy for Christmas. I cannot wait to see their faces – they have wanted a puppy for SO long!

I hope your holidays are full of love and laughter.

Have you seen this lap pillow? I wonder if I can get one in fish nets? *evil grin* Actually, no…black pantyhose would satisfy me. I could, however, do without the included panty lines.

I read an article somewhere that says Jennifer Garner might be 4 months pregnant (but I’m too lazy to dig up the link). I love it when pretty people breed, but I hope she doesn’t follow the celebrity stampede of weird baby names. Do you think that’s why Liv Tyler hasn’t announced her baby name yet? She’s trying to top Julia Roberts? Let’s hope not. (PS…Is Alias *ever* going to come back on?)

I’m jamming out this morning to Head Automatica. Good Stuff! (If you’re at work, turn down your speakers – they have streaming music on their site) Check ‘em out!

Ganked from the supah star

You are a cappuccino, sipped in the afternoon,
after sex.

You are not trendy; you set trends for others. You
wear black or nothing, and your playlist
alternates Mahler with bands no one else has
heard of. You read Rimbaud in public places,
and you have a vintage poster for La Dolce
Vita hanging over your bed. You pepper
your conversation with quotes from obscure
Jacobean revenge tragedies, and you cackle to
yourself when your lovers assume that you are
quoting I Love Lucy. Your glasses have
designer frames and you do not need them to
see.

What kind of coffee are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

At the time, I didn’t really think of it as a miracle. But looking back on it today, I realize that’s what it was – a miracle.

Miracle - an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment

The circumstances in and of themselves were probably not miraculous – in my life, yes, but not in general. The miracle was cloaked in words. She asked me, “What are you thinking.” And I said:

I realized something - Right now, in this moment, I am as happy as I can possibly be.

Isn’t that miraculous?! Before you question the validity of my miracle – answer this question: How many times has that thought crossed your mind? And beyond that, how many of those times did you actually roll over, expose your soft belly-side and admit it out loud?

Not many, I’d be willing to bet.

So I ask again - Isn’t that miraculous?!

Sure, finding out I won large sums of money would be nice. However, I believe people can only comprehend so much happiness. Our minds can only understand so much jubilation. This is why I think we cry when we are happy – At that moment, we’ve fulfilled our capacity for elation and we’ve absorbed all the joy we can possibly contain. We are full and the emotion overflows.

I couldn’t be more delighted even if Ed McMahon himself were to knock on my door.

Good Morning!
How was your weekend?
*bouncing around the room*
Mine was fantabulous!

Friday, SK and I went to see Ocean’s Twelve at one of those places where you can watch a movie and have dinner at the same time. Neither one of us had ever done it before, so it was cool to get to do it together. The movie hasn’t been getting the best reviews, but I thought it was good. I was surprised, but I actually like CZetaJ with short hair.

Saturday I flew to Corpus. On the flight over, I sat in the middle of the Texas Boys Choir. They even sang a song. Being in the middle of it, hearing it live all around me…that was pretty cool, I gotta say. is a bad influence - by noon, I already had a margarita in hand! Unfortunately, I didn’t get any good pictures of us dressed up for the party. But, the dress was awesome: hooker red with glitter, floor length and form fitting, and it tied up around my neck. My toes are hooker red too! Getting to see all my friends was awesome. Everyone was sooooo surprised. There were several priceless facial expressions! Some people didn’t even recognize me. Amazing what make up and a dress will do! We came in second place in the dance contest, but I think we were robbed!

Sunday, we stopped at the Mexican bakery and got all kinds of sweet breads. Yummm. It was such a gorgeous day - we went out to the beach. Hanging out by the ocean in the middle of December in short sleeves – lovin it! If I had thought to bring a towel, I could have worked on my tan.

When I got home, SK was waiting for me in the airport as I came down the stairs. She welcomed me home in style and morning came way too soon.

Do you ever get in one of those moods, and you’re not sure why?

That’s what kind of mood I’m in today.

DP: Do you want to participate in the Secret Santa?
Me: No. I don’t wanna do anything. I’m cranky today.
DP: Why are you cranky?
Me: I don’t know. Because I can be. I’m cranky and I don’t know why!

I should be in a great mood. My Christmas shopping is almost finished. I sleep next to a beautiful woman at night. I’m taking SK out tonight and we are going to play! I’m flying to Corpus tomorrow to party with . Today is Friday. I’ve been getting kudos at work.

But…eh. It’s just one of those days.

This was a very peaceful weekend. The extra day really helped me relax.

We stayed in bed ALL day on Saturday. Since we didn’t get to sleep until after 5a that morning, it’s not quite as lazy as it sounds, but I cannot remember the last time I was in bed from dark to dark. When I awoke at 830p and SK wasn’t beside me, I was a bit confused. And then I found the note saying she had gone to get us something to eat - I am so addicted to croissants and strawberry-rhubarb jam from Le Madeline’s! Speaking of ‘addicted’, we caught the Meg Ryan movie Addicted to Love. I hadn’t seen that in ages. Meg Ryan is a hottie. If I had a list, she’d be on it!

I spent Sunday with MW. I finally saw The Incredibles. It was cute, but after all the reviews I’d heard, I was expecting more.

Yesterday, I slept in and then did some Christmas shopping. I bought a new tree skirt and all kinds of fun decorations. SK and I put up the Christmas tree last night and the Christmas ‘sit-abouts’. It’s a pretty awesome experience for me. I haven’t had a Christmas tree since I moved out of my mom’s house. Not only is this the first year for a tree, but it’s also the first year to have a tree with someone. With the decorations up, fire burning, Christmas music playing, candles lit, sitting in front of the tree sipping hot chocolate…it finally started to feel like Christmas. The sensation was magical, and I won’t cheapen it with words.

PS - Showers are more fun with 2

I just got off the phone with Maverick, my nephew. He turns 3 today! I talked to my sister (BW) first, and then I asked if Maverick was awake. He was, and so she asked him, “Do you want to talk on the phone?”

Mav: Yay! It’s Amy!
BW: How did you know that?
Mav: I just did!

We talk for a bit, and then Avery wants to talk. Hearing them say “I love you” is one of the sweetest sounds in the world. I feel so bad for my sister because by the end of the call, they were both crying, “I wanna go see Amy.” But, I feel loved

Because I’m trying to distract myself from thoughts of this evening…
Stolen from

THE BASICS…
o01. name: Amy
o02. d.o.b.: June 5
o03. location: Dallas, Tx
o04. religion: Contemplating
o05. occupation: Computer geek

APPEARANCE…
o01. hair: Long, light brown with blonde and red highlights
o02. eyes: Green/hazel, normally
o03. weight: 120
o04. height: 5″8″

STYLE…
o01. clothing: Comfortable
o02. music: Country, rock, pop, rap, classical, jazz…everything except death metal
o03. make-up: Every now and then
o04. body art: 2 tattoos

RIGHT NOW…
o01. wearing: Jeans, red ribbed long sleeve shirt, hair in a bun
o02. listening to: Clackity clack of keyboards
o03. thinking of: Lunch

LAST THING YOU…
o01. bought: Christmas gifts that I cannot list in case she is reading this
o02. ate & drank: Raspberry filled donut and French vanilla coffee
o03. read: Stephen King’s On Writing
o04. watched on tv: The Apprentice
EITHER / OR…
o01. club or houseparty: Houseparty
o02. tea or coffee: Iced tea, hot cofee
o03. achiever or slacker: Slacker
o04. beer or cider: Cider
o05. drinks or shots: Drinks
o06. cats or dogs: Dogs
o07. single or taken: Taken
o08. pen or pencil: Pencil
o09. gloves or mittens: Gloves
o10. food or candy: Candy
o11. cassette or cd: CD
o12. coke or pepsi: Dr. Pepper
o13. hard or mild alcohol: Anything that tastes fruity and/or sweet
o14. matches or a lighter: I don’t smoke, but I collect lighters.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO…
o01. kill: Nobody
o02. hear from: Tommie
o03. get really wasted with: Venessa
o04. look like: Bits and pieces of different people
o05. be like: I’m happy with me
o06. avoid: VG
o07. have sex with: SK

LAST PERSON YOU…
o01. touched: SA
o02. talked to: Maverick (I called to wish him Happy Day)
o03. hugged: SA
o04. instant messaged:
o05. kissed: SK
o06. got your heart broken by: It’s been awhile

WHERE DO YOU…
o01. eat: Everywhere, because I’m always eating
o02. dance: Bars
o03. cry: Alone
o04. wish you were: In a park, on a blanket with SK

HAVE YOU EVER…
o01. dated one of your best friends?: Yes
o02. loved somebody so much it makes you cry?: Yes
o03. drank alcohol? Yes
o04. done drugs?: Yes
o05. broken the law?: Yes
o06. ran away from home?: No, but I moved out early
o07. broken a bone?: Yes: Wrist and toe
o08. cheated on a test?: No
o09. skinny dipped?: Yes
o10. played truth or dare?: Yes
o11. flashed someone? Yes
o12. mooned someone?: Yes
o13. kissed someone you didn’t know?: Yes
o14. been on a talk show/game show?: No
o15. been in a fight?: Yes
o16. ridden in a fire truck?: Yes
o17. been on a plane?: Yes
o18. come close to dying?: Too close for my comfort
o19. cheated on your boy/girlfriend?: No
o20. gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride?: Yes
o21. eaten a worm/mud pie?: No
o22. swam in the ocean?: Yes
o23. had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up?: Yes
o24. had sex?: Yes

ARE YOU…
o01. a vegetarian?: Nope – love my steak!
o02. a good student?: Back in the day, yeah
o03. good at sports?: Nope
o04. wakeboarding/snowboarding?: Doubt it
o05. a good singer?: Nope, but that doesn’t stop me
o06. a deep sleeper?: No
o07. a good dancer?: Yes
o08. shy?: Not really
o09. outgoing?: On occasion
o10. a good storyteller?: Good enough, I suppose if you’re still reading this!