There was ice on my windshield this morning. I wanted to run down the street, feeling the crisp air bite at my cheeks and revel in my joy. Do you ever wake up in a fabulous mood and you’re not really sure why? You can guess, suppose, conjecture, presume but in reality, the only conclusion you can really embrace with any certainty is this – Today, my peace fills me to the brim and spills out onto the canvas of my world.
There is a line in Ender’s Game where Ender tells his sister:
“I’ve lived too long with pain. I won’t know who I am without it.”
Throughout my life, pain has been such an integral part of my identity. I struggled against it for the longest time, continually allowing the sadness to break my heart. Eventually, I realized that curling up in the fetal position to protect myself - lamely attempting to protect my soft underbelly - still hurt too much, and so I began to I wrap myself in the pain, using the hardness and scars as a shield. As much as I hate cold weather, there is something about my breath fogging, chaffing my hands together for warmth, the clear blue of the sky and the sun still shining through that makes me curious about life without that safety net.
Posted to my LJ on Nov 4, 2004
Alliance of Free Blogs - I found You Know You Wanna while searching for kitty porn. No, that's not a typo.
That line resonated with me too when I read it, for much the same reason.
Comment by Baniarla — August 30, 2005 @ 11:36 pm
Ender’s Game has some really great quotes in it.
I hope your life without the safety net is working out as well as mine is working out.
Comment by Jaxia — August 31, 2005 @ 10:13 pm