In this nursing program, passing requires a 78 minimum average. If you fail one class, you have to repeat every class in the entire semester. Going into my final this morning, I knew I was barely passing my lecture class.
As I sat down in front of the computer, I tried to give myself a pep talk: You just need to pass this test. You can do it. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started the test.
And had no clue what the first 10 questions were even talking about.
After going through all the questions at least twice, I was ready to finish the test. Hovering over the ’submit’ button, afraid to know my results, I tried to prepare myself for whatever might happen. Steeling my resolve, I hit the button.
70
I don’t think I can even tell you a portion of the things that went through my mind as I saw that failing grade come up on the screen. I disappointed everyone who believed in me and I was ashamed to have let them down. What’s wrong with me and why am I such a failure? Could I really do this entire semester all over again?
Still in shock, I spoke to my teacher about the readmission process. My friend was waiting for me in the hall. ‘How’d you do?’
‘Not good,’ as I slowly shook my head and headed down the hallway.
‘Are you still in the program?’ she asked, worry clouding her voice.
‘Nope. I failed. Bad.’
She was silent, then, not knowing what to say to comfort me.
After a moment, ‘Are you sure?’
‘Pretty sure,’ but I dug out my phone to use the calculator. ‘I can’t even remember my grades; I just remember my average!’ as the frustration starts to creep over me.
‘Just multiply it by 4.’
‘Oh, right.’ *4)+70))/5
I lean heavily against the wall, trying to find the courage to look at the answer.
77.8
Turning to my friend, I whisper, ‘77.8?’ Then there’s a slight pause because I can’t find my voice and I literally collapse onto the floor. ‘That’s passing, right?’
‘Yes! Are you sure?’ She pulls out an adding machine (yes, she carries and adding machine with her; I have no idea why) and we’re both doing the math.
It’s right! I made it!
In the end, it wasn’t that close after all. There were a few test questions tossed out of this test and the last test, so I wound up with plenty of cushion. Even knowing that, while trying to write this, attempting to recapture the horrible feelings from this morning, I feel nauseous. That walk down the hallway, with dismay weighing so heavy on my soul, was the longest 10 steps of my life.
I almost didn’t write about my morning; I could just say I passed, and nobody would know that I came so close to failing. But, I’m not perfect, and this is a difficult journey.
I’m just glad I’m still on it.
Alliance of Free Blogs - I found You Know You Wanna while searching for kitty porn. No, that's not a typo.
i just decided to get up and read random nursing blogs (its one thing that kind of keeps me focused on nursing but allows me to not study…not that i’m always studying..)
i must say. i’m glad you actually did write this entry and that for some reason i even up reading it. because, i’m worried about the same thing. i dont want to have to repeat my entire semester again…i want to keep moving forward. and there are so many people that have faith in me and they’re so proud that i made it to where i am right now. i can’t even imagine how i would feel if i was in your shoes. techniecally. next week i might be in your shoes. scratch that. TOMORROW i might be in your shoes.
=(
but its good to know, that i’m not the only one thats uncertain. that i’m not the only one, who isn’t perfect. so thank you for the post. =)
Comment by Deena — December 11, 2007 @ 6:00 pm
and i’m happy that you did pass!!
now go celebrate and enjoy yourself
and prepare for the next semester.
congratulations
=p
Comment by Deena — December 11, 2007 @ 6:01 pm
Well congratulations! I am very excited that you passed to move on to the next semester. I was faced with a similiar situation. However my ending was not as great but not as bad. In my program you have to maintain a 75% test average in Pharmacology. I passed all my classes but in the end I averaged a 73.5% test average in Pharm. The good thing is I will not have to repeat all my classes but I will have to successfully complete Pharm with a 75% test average before I can advance to Med Surge. Which I have no doubt that I will accomplish but last week felt like the end of the world.
But congratulations on your success and at the end of this next semester I will be celebrating with you!!!
Comment by empriss — December 19, 2007 @ 8:59 pm
I am so happy for you! Congrats!!! Good job.
Comment by Yvette — December 21, 2007 @ 9:05 am
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel. I’m also a nursing student and I know about all the pressure and stress. I was also stressing this past week, but I passed. However, a few of my colleagues did not pass. In my program, you need a minimum of an 80 to pass and my friend got a 79.2. I was shocked because she was actually getting better grades than me throughout the semester and she failed two exams that brought her overall average down. Anyway, congrats to you. Only nursing students understand the pressure. I’m glad you passed.
Steph
Comment by Stephanie — December 21, 2007 @ 1:49 pm
your story sounds so much like my life. It helps to know your not alone when it comes to getting through nursing school and the stress that comes with it.
Comment by diamond2000 — January 3, 2008 @ 8:14 pm
Hi… I just wanted to let you know that I graduated from nursing school in May ‘07 and am currently working as an RN. School and boards were the hardest things that I ever done, but it is doable and it is so worth it in the end!! Congrats on passing your semseter and good luck on your upcoming on…you can do it:) In case you’re wondering, I linked to your site from Dustin’s blog.
Comment by Becky — January 7, 2008 @ 10:56 am
CONGRATS!
Comment by Prisca — January 27, 2008 @ 3:15 pm
Congrats!! Whew!
Comment by LJP — February 4, 2008 @ 10:07 pm
Ok, Congratulation, keep fighting !
Comment by Sukosari — February 6, 2008 @ 8:52 am
Congratulations!! What happened next?
Comment by Anji — February 10, 2008 @ 11:36 am
Well this is exciting! Serendipitous but very ummm…’life affirming’ is the best word I can come up with. Your from-the-heart description of the gut-wrenching experience brought back distant memories from my nursing-school days. In fact, I came as close to having a sympathy-pain anxiety attack as I’ve ever come when reading someone else’s remarks! Good going; when you finally get past the pressure of passing classes, you will find that you learn faster and easier. The ‘real’ learning happens when you daily apply –and improve upon–those things you learned as the foundation for your practice of the art of nursing. Most important, more than ever: Concentrate on patients not on technique! The proper technique will fall into place when you remember to whom it is to be applied. Wow, I’ve only found this site when searching for information related to free online advertising. Who’d have thought?
n.kateus http://www.ipowerdirect.net/
Comment by Noni Kateus — February 21, 2008 @ 1:02 pm
I was just browsing some blogs and came upon yours. I totally understand your feelings! I am a nursing student and it is VERY stressful. Sometimes I wonder why I even decided I wanted to do this….all my nursing friends tell me it is worth it in the end!! Hang in there…I think every nursing student feels like a failure sometimes!
http://www.whatIknow-caron.blogspot.com
Comment by caron — March 25, 2008 @ 6:17 pm
77.8 huh…
WE’ve got to have an 85 to pass
It’s made me quite insane
Comment by Gareth — May 7, 2008 @ 5:59 pm
Ok, Congratulation, keep fighting
Comment by Kevin — September 10, 2008 @ 7:39 pm