YKYW - Nursing Student Blog

Have you ever met two people around the same time who had the same first name?

Make sure you know which one you are talking to before you open your mouth.

That is all.

You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them to get their telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl/guy. You have one of your friends approach them, point at you and say, “She’s/He’s fantastic in bed.”

That’s Advertising.

You’re at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. You get up, straighten your clothes, walk up and pour them a drink. You open the door, pick up their bag after it drops, offer them a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Public Relations.

You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. They walk up to you and say, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

That’s Brand Recognition.

I’ve heard some crazy rumors about Ted Murphy (the founder of PayPerPost) but I don’t believe any of them. See, there’s a different theory. It all started when Ted was only seven years old…

Ted grew up in a typical abysmal city, covered in too much concrete. His parents weren’t particularly fond of fuzzy mammals, so they ignored Ted’s plea for a pet. Being a resourceful and creative boy, Ted decided to adopt his own pet — a shiny red button! Ted loved his pet button and named her Sparky because she was the best button in the universe! Sparky was always there when he needed her, and he could take her everywhere with him in the pocket of his shorts.

One day after school, Ted’s babysitter took him to McDonald’s to play on the playground. Little Ted loved to play on the McDonald’s playground, but his favorite part of all was the ball pit. After having grand adventures in the ball pit, Ted reached into his pocket to tell Sparky about his day. But Sparky wasn’t there! Sparky must have fallen out while he was playing in the ball pit! Frantically, Ted dove into the balls, desperately searching for his beloved pet. Alas, he never found her.

From that day forward, Ted hated ball pits. With a passion. In order to extract revenge for the loss of his precious shiny red button, Ted founded PayPerPost in an effort to obliterate ALL ball pits from the face of the world! He thinks that if he can just get enough ads on blogs, then the ball pits will feel threatened and return Sparky to her loving owner.

Well, that’s the story I heard, anyway.

“If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0″

“If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.”

“Be nice to geeks when you’re in school, you might end-up working for one when you grow-up.”

“It’s a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.”

“The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.”

“unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep”  - my daily unix command list

“… one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.” - Robert Firth

“Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.”

“COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.”

“I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly”

“A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila”

“Better to be a geek than an idiot.”

“The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.”

“The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.”

“Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.”

“Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.”

I’ve seen this in a few places, but it amuses me, so here it is in case you haven’t seen it:

10 reasons gay marriage will ruin our society

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08 ) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“I think so, Brain, but how did the snakes get boarding passes?”

Oh, that CJ!  He was kind enough to let me guest post on his blog today.

It’s a little late, but I’m running behind on everything lately, so it just goes with the territory.  I know several people who could send these

Sweetheart, I’ve got you under my skin. I’ll wash and wash, but you’ll never come out.
- - - -
Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and I think I left the iron on.
- - - -
I’m crazy for you! Get it?
- - - -
BE MINE. Wait. That has six letters. Six letters is so unlucky. It’s like YOU DIE. That’s exactly what it’s like. Now you’re going to die and it’s all my fault.
- - - -
You’re all I think about. Literally!
- - - -
It’s hard to tell, what with all the SSRIs in my bloodstream, but I think I feel something for you.
- - - -
I’d touch you without gloves. If I could, I mean.

Isn’t this the best shirt for our favorite midget lover?

A pro-life group is protesting Planned Parenthood’s sale of a line of ‘condom key chains’ that include a takeoff on Michelangelo’s famous Sistine Chapel image in which the hand of God gives a condom to Adam.

The abortion provider is in a “never-ending quest to sexualize everything in our culture,” said Jim Sedlak, executive director of American Life League’s STOPP International. Some of the 28 versions of the key chain, sold by Planned Parenthood of Connecticut, are “blasphemous,” asserted Sedlak, who urges Americans to contact local schools and churches and insist “that the promiscuity promoters at Planned Parenthood not be allowed anywhere near our children.”

The money quote from the comments section:

“The people who came up with the Catholic school girl outfit don’t get to talk about other people sexualising anything.”

Personally, I wish I had more reasons to carry around condoms. These keychains are hilarous!

Hat Tip — Dahne, Worldnet Daily, Pandagon