YKYW - Nursing Student Blog

Several people have written to ask me how things are going. This has been a heck of a year, lemme tell you!

One of the reasons I’ve been stressed out is because I’ve been experiencing significant abdominal pain pretty much every time I try to eat anything. Over the Christmas holiday, I went to the doctor to have some testing done and when I got the results, it threw me for a bit of a loop. I’m allergic to a ton of stuff, including gluten, egg yolks and whites, dairy, soy, corn, tomatoes, and safflower. And those are just a few of my food allergies! The entire list is rather long.

Needless to say, since I was trying to live on bananas and orange juice, I tortured my immune system. I’ve been sick since early January and finally went to the doctor earlier this week (being a student with no health insurance really bites!). It’s just bronchitis, so they gave me some steroids, antibiotics and stuff like that. I’m trying to bulk up on my vitamin C and take better care of myself.

As for school … I really didn’t do well on the first test, but I did fairly well on the second one. I didn’t quite pull myself out of the hole I dug, but hope is not lost. I’ll have my third lecture test next week (out of five total), so I’ll have a good idea then of where I’m sitting overall.

Clinicals are going fairly well. I’ve had some really interesting patients, and I’m getting to do a ton of nursing skills. I’ve been giving oral meds on my own for a while now (no more waiting on the instructor!), and I just got the OK to start hanging IVs on my own, too! The first time I went around handing out oral medications to my patients on my own, I really started to feel like a nurse. I can only imagine the feeling when I get to hang that first IV without my instructor!

I haven’t been able to start on IV yet on a real person, but our instructor is really trying to find us good situations. Since I’m still trying to develop my sea legs, so to speak, and not get queasy, I’m not in any hurry.

So, yes, I’m still here, plugging away. Thanks to everyone who’s written to ask about me and wish me well!

In this nursing program, passing requires a 78 minimum average. If you fail one class, you have to repeat every class in the entire semester. Going into my final this morning, I knew I was barely passing my lecture class.

As I sat down in front of the computer, I tried to give myself a pep talk: You just need to pass this test. You can do it. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started the test.

And had no clue what the first 10 questions were even talking about.

After going through all the questions at least twice, I was ready to finish the test. Hovering over the ’submit’ button, afraid to know my results, I tried to prepare myself for whatever might happen. Steeling my resolve, I hit the button.

70

I don’t think I can even tell you a portion of the things that went through my mind as I saw that failing grade come up on the screen. I disappointed everyone who believed in me and I was ashamed to have let them down. What’s wrong with me and why am I such a failure? Could I really do this entire semester all over again?

Still in shock, I spoke to my teacher about the readmission process. My friend was waiting for me in the hall. ‘How’d you do?’

‘Not good,’ as I slowly shook my head and headed down the hallway.
‘Are you still in the program?’ she asked, worry clouding her voice.
‘Nope. I failed. Bad.’

She was silent, then, not knowing what to say to comfort me.

After a moment, ‘Are you sure?’
‘Pretty sure,’ but I dug out my phone to use the calculator. ‘I can’t even remember my grades; I just remember my average!’ as the frustration starts to creep over me.
‘Just multiply it by 4.’
‘Oh, right.’ *4)+70))/5

I lean heavily against the wall, trying to find the courage to look at the answer.

77.8

Turning to my friend, I whisper, ‘77.8?’ Then there’s a slight pause because I can’t find my voice and I literally collapse onto the floor. ‘That’s passing, right?’
‘Yes! Are you sure?’ She pulls out an adding machine (yes, she carries and adding machine with her; I have no idea why) and we’re both doing the math.

It’s right! I made it!

In the end, it wasn’t that close after all. There were a few test questions tossed out of this test and the last test, so I wound up with plenty of cushion. Even knowing that, while trying to write this, attempting to recapture the horrible feelings from this morning, I feel nauseous. That walk down the hallway, with dismay weighing so heavy on my soul, was the longest 10 steps of my life.

I almost didn’t write about my morning; I could just say I passed, and nobody would know that I came so close to failing. But, I’m not perfect, and this is a difficult journey.

I’m just glad I’m still on it.